I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
