Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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