Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
