I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
