GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
