due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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