wanna go halves on a baby?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
