based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
