so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
