Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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