Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
