Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
