Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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