I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dignity is for republicans.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
