I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
