I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
