Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
