Yo dont text me then not text me
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
