i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We're too hungover to prance.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
