Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
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She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
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I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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