Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So vagazzling was a success
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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