The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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