Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
