He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
