hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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