Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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