woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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