thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
