If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
