After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
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Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
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dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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