No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
