I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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