You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
