would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
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can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
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I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
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