They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
