there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
