3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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