I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I supernannyed him into submission
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
