are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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