You work out of a Hotel?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
