What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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