Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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