I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
