someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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