She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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