I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
