So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
