My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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