I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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