so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
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LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
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Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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