No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
