You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
