I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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