you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
