STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
