I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Two words: nipple clamps
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