Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
