Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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