I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
