On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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