Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
farters have to be the big spoon...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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