she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
