Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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