Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
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My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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