Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
