she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i believe in u and ur pee
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
